PHILANTHROPY BLOG #8:  August, 2010

“HOW TO TALK ABOUT THE ELEPHANT:  why these dynamics are hard to talk about – personal relationship to power”

Just like our relationship to money – personal and institutional – may make it challenging to talk about power and cultural dynamics inherent in grantee/grantor relationships, so goes our relationship to power. Just like our relationship to money, those who work in philanthropy have both a personal and institutional relationship to power. Our personal relationship to power relates to things like how we grew up, the overt and subtle messages we received about how to move through the world, what we learned about rules and adhering to them, what we took for granted vs. what we were hyperaware of and sensitive to, including  other people’s reactions to us. Were we taught to make ourselves quiet and invisible? Were we taught to be a go-getter regardless of the consequences? Have we learned to treat others harshly because that’s how we were treated? In conversations, how much space do we take up with our voice, our words, our body language?

Professionally, whether we come from positions of power and privilege or not in our personal lives, as foundation staff, we carry our philanthropic institution’s power. And that power comes from the money it has and gives away to those with less – less money, less power. When thinking about how we play out this institutional power, important questions to ask ourselves include, but are certainly not limited to the following:  is this my family’s money, or am I a steward for someone else’s money? If it’s not my money, do I treat others like it is my money? How do I treat grantees or community leaders who disagree with me? Do I thank them for their perspective, do I empathize with their point of view, do I consider what they are saying? Or, do I begin to think of ways to punish them for not agreeing with me, such as reducing or taking away their funds or speaking ill of them to other philanthropic leaders?

The psychologist in me can’t help but think of the defenses we all use to protect ourselves when we feel threatened. One of the hallmarks of defenses is that they are unconscious, out of our awareness. Thus, to understand defenses, we must go inward, reflect, and be honest with ourselves about what we find. For example, if I’m unhappy in my job but feel powerless to express my feelings to my higher ups who are the root of my problem, do I take it out on grantees and community leaders in negative ways, such as not returning phone calls or emails in a timely manner (if at all), having little patience for their ideas and needs, or not advocating for them with my higher ups? If I’m doing any of these behaviors, I’m likely displacing my feelings about my job and higher ups onto the community leaders whom are not my real problem. In doing so, I’m using my power as their program officer in negative ways while denying I’m doing so. And, this is why self-awareness is so important in the reduction of negative power and cultural dynamics in grantee/grantor relationships.